The Road Home Yesterday…

was HELL.

Like where you must ask yourself…

“Is this really happening to me?”

“Is this a joke?”

You know it’s going to be a long 6 hour drive when you hit a turkey not 10 minutes after hitting the road.

Yes. A turkey.

Feathers went flyin’.

And I’m not just talkin’ about the turkey feathers.

Ruffled my feathers to be sure.

I had never been in such a predicament.

You don’t really hit wildlife where I grew up.

In LA traffic, you’re much more likely to hit another car or someone putting on their makeup while eating and talking on their cell phone might hit you…

But a TURKEY!?

I can’t get over it.

I can’t stop giggling.

Not the funny giggle, but the nervous one.

Like DID THAT REALLY HAPPEN?!

anyway…

Chris promised me he scampered off as if nothing had happened to him at all. He said he looked totally fine.

Sure enough, all I saw out of the mirror was a huge snowstorm of feathers.

After recovering from that, our girls fell asleep. The trip was becoming enjoyable… until we stopped to use the questionable facilities in a Burger King.           

You’d think that when the plaque outside the door states, “If this restroom doesn’t meet your expectations, please notify a manager”, you can expect a clean experience.

Not so in Timbuktu.

All I have to say is that after visiting, I regretted having just eaten lunch there.

I was really starting to miss home at this point.

Anyway, about 2 hours later, Chris looks back at Chloe while I drive and I hear him say,

“I hope that’s not poop”.

Oh.S*it.

That is NEVER good.

I think to myself…

“Is this really happening?!”

We’re on a 2 lane road with nowhere to stop, we had just passed the annoying RV that had been slowing us down for the last 30 miles and now our child is digging around in her exploding diaper.

I thought the scent was from the cows outside.

Until I realized we hadn’t seen a cow in miles.

It’s like that scene in Tommy Boy with Chris Farley and David Spade where the animal wakes up in the back of the convertible and breaks through the convertible top and everyone panics. 

When we came to terms with the idea that what had spilled out of her diaper wasn’t somehow something less disgusting,

Chris looked back and found the damage to be quite extensive.

I finally pulled over and found the damage to be worse than extensive.

blankets, pacifiers, sippy cups, a certain 1.5 year olds arms and legs…

nothing was spared the poop fate.

(We’re still 2 hours from home at this point, by the way).

Once we get the mess cleaned up on the side of the 2 lane highway with big rigs, rvs and other weekend vehicles flying by, we get on our way again.

Only to have the freeway completely stop a good 15 miles from our house.

At this point, I know God is up there just messing with us.

Oh…Have I mentioned that Lauren cried hysterically for the last hour of the trip?

Nothing made her happy.

    She was tired of being confined.

She wanted to kick her legs and smile at someone.

After sitting in almost dead stop traffic for 10 miles, the last 5 were uneventful.

But, at that point, do you really even care?

Hope you had as much fun reading this as we did living it.

Because isn’t that what life is really all about?

Living in the moment.

Enjoying them all.

Especially the poopy, hilariously off-beat ones.

Here are some more winners from the past few days.

Isn’t Lauren such a great sport?

In case you haven’t noticed, she fits in doll strollers.

Actually, I think she may also be asking herself,

“is this really happening”?

I’m afraid Lauren may have asked herself this question quite a few times in the last few days; Can you see the look on her face?

As if to say, “Mom, can I trust Chloe? Am I going to be ok??”

Don’t worry, Lauren. Chloe checked out the hardware before taking you for a spin.

        Chloe trying to pick up Lauren to put her back in the doll stroller…

      P.S. Please forgive Lauren’s sweat band hair-do in all these pictures...

Evidently it was a warm day but wanted her photo taken anyway.

We tried to tell her to brush her hair but she was too busy

:)