Sunday, August 19, 2012

This post doesn’t even get a title.

Probably because there’s nothing to actually sum up our summer…

…other than it was non-existant blur and now it’s over.

I start NURSING school Tuesday. Like real, live nursing school.

Fundamentals, Med-Surg I, Pharmacology.

The girls started preschool last week.

Lauren has done a 360 degree turn-around and she’s now a super obedient, non-attitude student there.

THANK THE LORD.

We took the summer off from school and when we left off last school year she was in a biting phase that could really have de-railed my plans to go to school if she was going to get booted from Preschool for it!

Let’s see, what else…

Our house closes escrow on the 28th (oh…did I mention we sold the house?)

Yeah… Full asking price by the first people that came to see it.

IT’s definitely bittersweet but I’m kind of looking forward to the future.

Even if we don’t know what that means exactly.

We’re just beyond exhausted from not feeling like we have been ‘home’ for over a year now.

Coming out here was a gigantic gamble and not one we’ve really loved (other than having an awesome house)… but obviously you can’t really force yourself to love an area just because of a bad ass house…

Especially when you live next to Fester and his household of druggies.

We’ve learned a lot in the last year, been tried and tested more than most people realize…

Our vision of what our future should look like has been altered so many times that we’ve essentially put it on hold.

I guess what it comes down to is we’re lost.

We feel mildly homeless.

We’re really longing for stability and to set down some roots.

No matter where that may be.

It isn’t here, it isn’t now, it isn’t how we’ve lived the last year.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting the last few months on what’s important and what we want our family to be…

For Chris and I, it’s simplifying, becoming closer as a family unit, focusing on the kids, getting me through school and not over-extending ourselves financially. 

Hopefully we can get to the point where we can enjoy our lives, instead of watch it pass us by while we struggle with a monumental to-do list or always having something that’s holding us back.

When I look back over the last 7 years, they’ve been amazing but there’s always been something big that’s an issue… In the condo, Chris turned down a good job in Arizona because we couldn’t move and sell the condo. Then we spent a few years waiting for his job in Santa Maria to end, we’ve been waiting to be able to buy again after doing a short sale…then we agreed to come out here for at least a year… and now that our year is up, we’ve resigned ourselves to the fact that we’ll be here for 2 more because I have to stay here to finish nursing school.

For years, the mantra “jen needs to go to nursing school” has been ringing loud and clear… and for years things have gotten in the way.  I put off applying to nursing school for a year to help us get settled in Tehachapi only to realize that Tehachapi isn’t necessarily where we want to call home… and even now, Chris and I are having to weigh the options as he considers looking for another job…

Hopefully, however, this is the last time we’re tied to one spot for a reason other than ‘we love it here’.

Gosh I want to have the ‘we love it here’ feeling.

But this needs to be a priority so we can move ahead as a family and find our happy place.

Which, ironically, is these two kids.

Seriously the funniest, whiniest, cutest, craziest pack of kids you ever did see!

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