Thursday, October 15, 2009

38 Weeks

We're 38 weeks today!
I feel like we're so close to the end...but this is where the waiting starts to get really hard.
It could be today, it could be 3+ weeks away.
If some divine entity could just give me say, a 1 week window, that would be great.
My checkup was fabulous, everything is looking good and Lauren sounds great.
Physically, every day gets more and more uncomfortable.
I'm almost to the point where I'm not sure I can continue.
Then again, what choice do I have?!
Just when I declare that I'm done and I want Lauren out, I realize that I'm actually not entirely ready.
I still don't have a bag packed.
I am not ready for the lack of sleep.
I'm not ready for our lives to get thrown all out of whack.
I guess the reality is that I'm comfortable where we are right now.
We've figured out what works for our family...we've figured out our 'routine'...

I won't try and rush Lauren to the finish line... but I'll be so glad to have her here.

In the back of my mind, I know every day could be the last of pregnancy for me forever.
Which makes me think there's a possibility I want more.
Haha. We'll see about that.

I think my uneasiness about having Lauren arrive really circles around Chloe.
I have serious mommy guilt that gets worse with each passing day.
Her world is about to be thrown upside down and I'm helpless to stop time and do anything about it. I know that it's only temporary and it's going to be so much fun in the long run, but just thinking about the look on her face when she realizes the 'little alien' isn't leaving...or when she realizes I can't always pick her up... that she has to learn to share. It's almost too much for me to take. Thankfully I know I'll have family here to help out and ease the transition but It's so heartbreaking.

Anyway, on a lighter note... I just found this website.
Seriously. It will make your day.
Go visit it.

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