Wednesday, October 7, 2009

37 Weeks...

Longest Blog Post Ever:

We're not officially 37 weeks until tomorrow but today was our 37 week checkup.
I go weekly from now on. I've looked forward to this point in my pregnancy with both girls. Lauren is now full-term. With everything that has come up during this pregnancy, I can't wait to hold my healthy, beautiful baby girl.

There are so many what-if's surrounding this labor... Just as many as with Chloe's although I suppose I just have more confidence in my body and myself this time around. I'm not confident that my body will know to go into labor on its own, but I am much more confident this time around in it's ability to respond well to an induction if need be AND I believe more in my own ability to have a natural childbirth.

This whole pregnancy, I've had Chloe's birth in the back of my mind. I wouldn't change a moment of her labor BUT I wish I had been able to snap myself back to reality and focus on what was going on. It just felt so surreal, SO painful and it took everything I had just to not pass out and hope she'd find her own way out. That's not to say it was a bad labor experience, but I don't feel like I handled it to the best of my ability.

Lauren's birth is almost like a challenge to myself to do it with (hopefully) a little less screaming, a little more grace and perhaps then I can redeem myself and feel like I've conquered it instead of letting it conquer me. Either way we'll get to the other side. At least this time we know what to expect. Despite what I thought, I wasn't actually splitting in half during my labor with Chloe, nor was I dying for 8 straight hours. Phew. Now that I know that, I can focus. Perhaps I can gather my wits enough to not try and give birth on a toilet. (No, folks...birth was obviously not my finest moment). But most of all, I'd like to be coherent enough to see how ghostly white and pale labor has turned my husband. I remember VERY brief glimpses of him during Chloe's labor and I have to say, I'm not sure who was more petrified. I think it was the whole giving birth in a toilet stunt I tried to pull.

Nobody can ever ever ever prepare you for the pain of having a baby without the miraculous wonder tonic that requires the longest needle on earth to be inserted in your back. Let's get one thing straight. When you're in the heat of it, not only will you beg, but you'll scream for it. I'm not above doing the same thing this time around. I am not above begging. I doubt I'll even care that the needle is as long as my arm. Just as long as the anesthetist doesn't show up when I'm already 10 centimeters and pushing.

I'm SO looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. I KNOW I'll wish for it again when I'm no longer pregnant but I feel like I've been pregnant f-o-r-e-v-e-r AND I'm beyond uncomfortable.

My pelvis cracks repeatedly as I do my 5 point flip in bed every 20 minutes in an attempt to relieve the pressure on my hips and back.

Now, let's address getting out of bed. Dignity is a thing of the past. I leave my dignity in bed as I attempt to extricate myself for the 30th bathroom break of the night, the whole time thinking to myself how similar I am to a beached whale while I try to untangle myself from the 20 pillows and blankets it takes to get comfortable.

Have I mentioned I am very unprepared? When I was this far along with Chloe, you can bet everything had been washed, sterilized and had it's perfect spot. Diapers were set out, wipes ready and waiting... This time; not so much.

I have not packed a single thing. I remember blogging around this time in my pregnancy with Chloe that I figured if I packed a bag I'd surely be jinxing myself and I'd go past my due date. Well, whaddya know... I obviously jinxed myself and packed a bag.
This time around, I was not going to pack but the logistics with a 1 year old and having to boogie to the hospital really make me want to be prepared. Besides, I'd be so sad if we forgot our camera just because I was superstitious. It's about time I started getting a few things put together. Bring on another overdue 41 weeker with peely skin :)

Then there's the whole Chloe issue. I'm really really hoping we don't go into labor in the middle of the night. The schematics of how it would all go down is just so overwhelming. Have I mentioned the midwife told me to go ahead and go in when my contractions become regular at 5 minutes apart? (Side note: My contractions with Chloe were NEVER an entire 5 minutes apart... at least in my foggy haze I remember them being only like 2 to 4 minutes apart. Chris, would you care to clarify or were you also in a panic at the time?)...

Sooo I did have an internal today (my favorite! *note the sarcasm*).
The stats:
1 cm dialated. (Note: I was also 1 cm with Chloe from like 36 to 41+ weeks so I'm not impressed!)
I am 50% effaced.
Cervix consistency is considered 'ripe' or soft which is cool and gross at the same time.
Baby's Station: Laurens head is already pretty low and engaged the midwife said. She's at a -1 stage. Basically -3 means the baby is still floating around and +3 is when the baby is on their way out!!

I was basically the WORST candidate for an induction with Chloe. Not effaced, head not engaged, not really dilated, etc. I'm not saying Lauren is on her way anytime soon but I like that we've already gotten a little progress for when things do get moving.

Oh my gosh I can't wait to meet her.
And now we wait.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

waiting is always the hardest. I can't wait to meet Lauren and see your complete lil family. Miss you guys.
Love, Jennell

Anonymous said...

What a precious post. I am always in awe of your candid and honest emotions and how you are willing to share so much. After reading this I am going home and packing MY bag. Love you.....mom
Lauren...we are all waiting anxiously for your arrival. You are loved so much already. Gigi